Chief Karl Ramrod | Captain Hugh Jorgan

DOUCHEBAG
An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he or she appears. The term "douchebag" generally refers to a male but can also be used with females with any number of characteristics not associated with one particular region or age demographic. Douchebag is a combination of attitude qualities, social ability, self presence, age appropriate hairstyle and attire.

A douchebag is that annoying guy that always talks about how cool he is, how tough he is, and acts like he is better than everyone. He tries to start shit with people while acting like a complete dick - usually unknowingly since he doesn't catch the fact that he's making a fool out of himself. Though the common douchebag thinks he is accepted by the people around him, most people dislike him. He loves to appear in many places, such as parties where he seeks attention by, again, making a fool out of himself. A douchebag is also considered a little bitch.

To cure douchitis, apply fist to face of douchebag every once in a while (usually when he tries to act tough). After a while it may or may not disappear. If symptoms continue, resort to more violent and dramatic measures by callin THE DOUCHE POLICE!

In terms of geography douchebags can be found nearly anywhere. For instance, douchebags can be seen in New Jersey where fake diamond earrings, frosted spiked hair, Razor phones, half a can of Axe, unbuttoned collared shirts, Fossil watches, overly groomed chin straps, backwards colored Yankee hats with the sticker still attached and 2002 Mustangs are considered "tight." At the same time douchebags are also plentiful in the Southwest where on any given Wednesday night on frat row in Tempe you can find males who find it "sweet shit" to wear pink collared shirts, while donning the following attire: pukka-shelled necklaces, fake skater shoes, have some variation of an Asian symbol tattoo on their shoulder or back, wear a Ed Hardy hat that sits cockeyed on their head, throw various fake gang signs during pictures and drive their dad's old white 1997 convertible M3 BMW. They also generally find the length of time one drinks while doing a "keg-stand" directly correlates with the amount of pussy one can get.

As mentioned douchebags transcend not only various geographical locations, but age demographics as well. For instance, douchebags are quite often seen just south of Sarasota, FL as evidenced by 45 year old men who still wear Oakley's, shave their chests, wear shirts that read "ride" on the front and "me" on the back, and think its cool to wear white K-Swiss'. They are usually on first name basis with the girls at Hooters, and think white T-shirt contests with 1/2 half-off Margaritas are better than a baseball game with $1 beers. At the same time, we can see young 21 year old douchebags in West L.A. who still think that Dolce Gabana belt buckles, and faux-hawks are "pimp shit."

In terms of behavior douchebags have an over-inflated sense of self worth, lack the social ability to interact with non-douchebags, and have tricked their minds into thinking that they "get mad pussy." The irony is that they very rarely get pussy, but amazingly have the propensity and blown up ego to jump into photographs with hot chicks crerating an illusion, a smokescreen if you will in making people THINK they get alot of pussy while quite often talking about allegedly getting pussy.

Example 1:

Person One: Yo--did you see that guy wearing the Abercrombie hat and leather jacket park his Harley right in front of the bar, and rev his engine for 15 seconds? (FYI - HarleyDouche.com coming soon!)

Person Two: You mean the guy who ordered 25 "Jager-bombs"? Yea, that guy was a fucking douchebag!

Real life doucebags: Vanilla Ice, Keven Federline, Nick Lachey, any dude on The Hills, Kanye West and most of New Jersey.

Abstract
This article supports a theory that explains the growing douchebag problem as part of the general environment in which it is found. It argues that the douchebag problem is a diverse one and not simply a Euro-US problem, and suggests that traditional douchebag immigration law enforcement strategies encourage an ever-increasing douchebag population in the United States. Reasons why such a policy of enforcement exists are also discussed.

The Crucial Douchebag Problem
Characterizations of the douchebag range from the sympathetic to the xenophobic. Such characterizations contribute to the confusion about the growing douchebag problem. The media usually portrays the plight of the douchebag in the United States using such views as sometimes "glamorous" or even having a "celebrity status." Kanye West is a perfect example. There is no bigger douchebag on the planet yet he still remains to have a celebrity status. The only thing that we can rule in this judgment is douchebags themselves give Kanye this position. Only a douchebag could follow and look up to another Mega Uber Douchebag like Kanye. It must be tough being Kanye West. Just the thought of waking up every morning and having to find a way to let everyone know that you are a bigger douchebag than you were the day before is just mind blowing. Mega Uber douchebags such as Kanye West are sometimes and more often very clever in spreading "doucheitis", the highly contagious disease transforming normal responsible and caring people into complete inconsiderate, rude, conceited and selfish assholes otherwise known as douchebags! Kanye, you have the art of douchebaggery down to a science! . . . . . What a douche.

The Douche Patrol & it's Regional Deputy Douche Officers will be set up all across the globe in an effort to aggressively seek and expose douches and douches bags from clubs, bars, gyms, malls and retail shops, Ed Hardy stores, Affliction retailers, celebrity hot spots, spas, tanning salons, and where ever douches may dwell.

As you continue to read and navigate throught this website, we are certain that you will agree with us, and come to the indisputable conclusion that douchebags were solely responsible for the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001.

The Team
Founded by Chief Karl Ramrod and Capt. Hugh Jorgan, the Douche Patrol is a special Special Division of the D.E.A.
(Douche Enforcement Agency) and has just launched the first ever Global Douche Initiative which will include a worldwide sweep of all douches and douchebags that threaten the American way of life.

Taking advantage of this decreased in doucheness, his family entered him into one of the leading douche recovery centers back in the US. This moved tamed all their douchebag tendencies and ultimately changed their lives. It was in the douche rehab facility that he paired up with and befriended Karl Ramrod. Upon leaving the Douche Intervention Center of Kentucky (D.I.C.K.), the two formed a tight douchenator brethren and starting cleaning the streets of douchebaggery city by city.

Eventually, after lobbying to Congress in D.C. and getting local cities involved in cleaning up total doucheness from their gyms, mall, urban living centers, nightclubs, car dealers, tattoo parlors, plastic surgery clinics, spas, high end makeup counters and popular restaurants, Mayors and national politicians everywhere endorsed the formation of The Douche Patrol by its founders, Chief Karl Ramrod and Captain Hugh Jorgan. The rest . . . . is history!

Send us a douche image or make a douche video!

karlramrod at douchepatrol.com

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